Election Day Eve Activities

Two days from now those of us who don't get to vote early...

My brother voted early.  He's shown here in his spiffy jean-jacket.

...get to choose who will be President of the United States for the next four years.

Also many Senators, but I don't like talking about them since they tried to break Mr. Smith's spirit.  Long story.

Which leaves us one day to do something nice and calming before (potentially... according to many pundits on both sides of the political spectrum) Armageddon is upon us.

Surely these images can't BOTH be wrong...

So I've taken it upon myself to come up with a list of three things a person can do in the time they have left before the End of Days.

1.  Drink a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label Scotch

Because we all deserve liquor that comes with its own coffin before the end of the world.  Sure it's $200 a bottle, but what are you saving your money for at this point? 

2. Hit the Gym.

There are going to be an awful lot of people in the line to meet St. Peter, not to mention hundreds of angels.  And let's just say that Pete won't be the only one judging you, so work off some of that flab.

3.  Eat Something Delicious

Even a condemned prisoner gets a last meal

Have a happy election, everybody!*

*It is impossible for more than 52% of people to actually have a happy election, but it's the thought that counts.

Helping Out My Indecisive Friends

You probably know an election is taking place next week.

I'm a big fan of the Starks, but can't agree with Robb's policy of marrying foreigners.

Alas, we must choose between Romney and Obama instead.

For now.  I'm preparing bumper stickers for Dinklage's run for office in 2016.

 

Now, I've made my decision and don't really understand why people are having problems.  It seems pretty clear cut, whichever side of the coin you're on.  But people are still picking through the options.  Perhaps they are hoping one of the toads will turn into a prince.

Perhaps even a fresh prince.

But that's not going to happen.  So, I'm here to help you make a choice.  Obviously policy issues haven't done it for you, so I'm going to take you down an unconventional path.

Where you can go BOTH ways (wink, wink.)

So, stare at the following picture for thirty seconds.  Not one second more.  Not one second less.  Are you ready?

Okay, The timer starts...

Now.

All right.  Now, this image will haunt your dreams tonight.  So leave a pen and piece of paper by your bed.  When you wake up in a cold sweat jot down what happened and take the following actions:

1.  If this guy killed you, vote Republican because you are afraid we are weak in defense.

2.  If you kill this guy, vote Democrat because you support progressive policies.

3.  If you and he end up making sweet, sweaty love, go to Canada, because you are deviant.

There you are!  A simple, foolproof way to make a decision.  You're welcome.